Physical abuse
Hitting, shoving, slapping, kicking, choking, or throwing objects. Some teens are told that boys will be boys or that jealousy is a sign of love.
love is respectA form of abuse
Teen dating violence
Teen dating violence is when one partner in a dating relationship repeatedly uses abusive tactics, echoing the power-and-control framework that loveisrespect.org (a project of the National Domestic Violence Hotline) uses to describe dating abuse, to dominate the other. It can be physical, sexual, emotional, or digital. It affects young people across all identities and backgrounds, and it can have lasting effects on health, safety, and future relationships.
Why this matters
What survivors already know
Teen relationships are often dismissed as puppy love or drama. That dismissal is dangerous. The intensity of first love, combined with limited experience, social pressure, and 24-hour digital contact, can create a situation where abuse escalates quickly and the young person does not know how to name it.
Digital control is especially common among teens. Constant messaging, location sharing, password demands, monitoring of social media, and pressure to send sexual images are not signs of care. They are surveillance and coercion.
Adults who want to help face a dilemma: push too hard and the young person will hide the relationship. Say nothing and the abuse continues. The best response is calm, consistent, non-judgemental support that keeps the door open.
The definition
What it actually is
Sexual coercion
Pressure to send sexual images, engage in sexual acts, or prove love through sex. Non-consensual sharing of images is a form of abuse and may be illegal.
Break the CycleDigital and emotional abuse
Constant texting, demanding passwords, controlling who the person can follow or message, humiliation online, and using social media to monitor or punish.
StopBullying.govJealousy and isolation
A partner who is jealous of friends, family, hobbies, or school success, and gradually isolates the young person from everyone else.
love is respectHow it works
The tactics, named one by one
Love bombing and intensity
Overwhelming attention, gifts, and declarations of love early in the relationship, creating a sense of obligation and making it hard to pull back.
love is respectDigital surveillance
Phone checks, location tracking, demands for screenshots, and control over social media. The young person may feel they have no private space.
StopBullying.govThreats of exposure
Threats to share sexual images, tell lies to friends, or ruin the person's reputation if they leave or tell anyone.
National Center for Missing & Exploited ChildrenUsing breakups as punishment
The abuser cycles between breaking up, threatening self-harm, and apologising, keeping the young person emotionally trapped.
love is respectHow to identify it
Signs to look for
One of these on its own may mean nothing. Several of them together, repeated over time, is a pattern, and a pattern is what abuse looks like from the inside.
- 01The young person is constantly texting or checking in with their partner and seems anxious about it.
- 02They withdraw from friends, family, sports, or activities they used to enjoy.
- 03Their partner is jealous, controlling, or angry about their friendships or success.
- 04They make excuses for their partner's behaviour or become defensive when concerns are raised.
- 05They have unexplained injuries or their clothing changes to cover marks.
- 06They are pressured to send sexual images or share passwords.
- 07Their grades, mood, or sleep change significantly.
- 08They express fear of what will happen if they break up.
Who it happens to
No one group is exempt
Abuse does not respect age, gender, income, faith, or country. These are the people most often affected by this particular form.
Teens and young adults of all genders, sexual orientations, and backgrounds.
Girls and young women are at higher risk of serious physical and sexual violence, but boys and young men also experience abuse and are less likely to seek help.
LGBTQ+ teens, who may face identity-based abuse and lack supportive adults.
Teens who have witnessed domestic violence at home or experienced other forms of trauma.
What it costs
The damage it leaves behind
Mental health
Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, and substance use are more common among teens experiencing dating violence.
CDC, Adverse Childhood ExperiencesPhysical injury and sexual harm
Injuries, unintended pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, and sexual assault. Some teens are killed by abusive partners.
Centers for Disease Control and PreventionSchool and future relationships
Declining grades, school avoidance, and a pattern of accepting controlling behaviour in future relationships.
World Health Organization, Violence against childrenDigital reputation and safety
Shared images, online humiliation, and ongoing digital contact can follow a young person long after the relationship ends.
StopBullying.govHow to deal with it
What to do, depending on where you are standing
If it is happening to you
- 01
You are not overreacting. If a relationship makes you feel scared, controlled, or bad about yourself, that matters.
- 02
Talk to someone you trust: a parent, teacher, counsellor, coach, or friend. You do not have to handle it alone.
- 03
Call or text love is respect at 1-866-331-9474 or text LOVEIS to 22522. They are specifically for teens and young adults.
- 04
Do not share passwords or give your partner control of your phone, accounts, or location. You have a right to privacy.
- 05
If you have sent images you regret, or someone is threatening to share images, tell a trusted adult and contact the CyberTipline at cybertipline.org.
- 06
Breaking up can be the most dangerous moment. Make a safety plan with a counsellor or advocate before you do it if you can.
If someone you care about is in it
- 01
Start with belief, not interrogation. I am worried about you, and I am here no matter what opens the door better than a list of accusations.
- 02
Avoid blaming the partner or forbidding the relationship. That often drives the young person away and back to the abuser.
- 03
Keep communication open. Let them know they can talk to you without judgement, even if they stay in the relationship.
- 04
Help them access teen-specific resources. love is respect, school counsellors, and teen health clinics can help.
- 05
If there is immediate danger, call 911 or child protective services. In Texas, the Texas Abuse Hotline is 1-800-252-5400.
Where to get help
People who will take this seriously
If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number first. Everything below is confidential and none of it requires you to make a decision today.
1-866-331-9474 · text LOVEIS to 22522 · loveisrespect.org
Support, education, and resources specifically for teens and young adults experiencing dating abuse.
breakthecycle.org · teen resources
Legal and advocacy resources for young people experiencing dating violence and abuse.
thatsnotcool.com · digital boundaries
Interactive resources for teens on digital dating abuse, boundaries, and respect.
1-800-843-5678 · cybertipline.org
Report online exploitation, sextortion, and non-consensual sharing of images involving minors.
Questions
The questions people actually ask
Is teen dating violence really abuse?
Yes. Teen relationships are real relationships, and abuse in them is real abuse. It can cause serious physical and emotional harm and is a risk factor for future abuse.
What if my teen gets angry when I try to talk about it?
That is common. Stay calm, keep the door open, and avoid forbidding the relationship. Let them know you are there for them and that they can always come to you.
What if they are being pressured to send images?
This is a form of sexual coercion. Encourage them not to send images, and if images are already shared or threatened, report to the CyberTipline at cybertipline.org or the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children.
How can I help without pushing them away?
Listen more than you lecture. Offer resources. Let them know you believe them and will help them make a safety plan. Respect their autonomy while keeping them safe.
Young people need to know that love does not hurt, monitor, or humiliate. Believing them early and keeping the door open can change the course of their lives.