Reporting
Say it out loud once, to one person who can act
Most people who are being abused do not report it, and every reason for that silence is a reason we take seriously. This page sets out those reasons plainly, then sets out what reporting actually changes, and how to do it without putting yourself in more danger.
01
Why people do not report
None of these are excuses. They are calculations made by people who know their own household better than any of us do. Naming them is how we stop treating silence as consent.
Fear of what comes next
The most dangerous period in an abusive relationship is often the moment control is challenged. People weigh a real threat against an uncertain rescue, and they are not being irrational when they hesitate.
Nowhere to go
Without money, a bed, papers or transport, reporting can mean choosing between violence and destitution. Practical obstacles keep more people in place than affection ever does.
Shame and reputation
Survivors are asked what they did to provoke it. Families protect their standing. Congregations protect their leaders. The person harmed is left carrying the embarrassment that belongs to the person who caused it.
Being disbelieved before
Someone who was dismissed the first time they spoke rarely speaks a second time. One bad response from a relative, an officer, a pastor or a nurse can close a door for years.
Love, hope and children
Most survivors do not want the relationship destroyed. They want the violence to stop. Many stay to keep children with a parent, a home and a school.
Immigration and dependency
When status, a visa, a job or a residence permit is tied to the abuser, reporting can feel like reporting yourself. Protections often exist for exactly this situation, and few people know about them.
Not recognising it as abuse
If nobody was hit, people assume it does not count. Control, surveillance, financial restriction and threats count.
Distrust of the system
Where policing has been experienced as hostile, where cases collapse, or where an officer knows the abuser personally, reporting looks like risk without reward. That distrust is earned, and it is our job to help close the gap.
02
Why reporting is still worth it
Reporting is not one irreversible act. It is a series of small steps, and you decide how far along that line you go.
A record changes what is possible later
Even a report that leads to no arrest creates a dated account. Protective orders, custody decisions, housing applications and immigration remedies all lean on that history.
It interrupts a pattern
Abuse escalates when nothing answers it. An official response, a safety plan, a caution or an order changes the calculation for the person causing harm.
It unlocks practical help
Reporting is usually the gate to emergency housing, advocacy, court accompaniment, legal aid and financial assistance that are not otherwise available.
You may not be the only one
Reports connect. A single account can corroborate another person's case, including a former partner or another household member.
Children are safer when it is documented
Where children are in the household, a documented history is often what allows a court to make protective arrangements rather than assume both homes are equal.
You keep control of the next step
Speaking to a hotline, an advocate or a clinician is not the same as pressing charges. You can gather information and a plan first, and decide afterwards.
03
How to report
The route differs by country. Pick the one that matches where you are, and if you are unsure, contact us and we will walk it with you.
United States
- 1
In immediate danger, call 911
Ask for police. If you cannot speak safely, some areas allow you to text 911; if that fails, stay on the line so the call is traced.
- 2
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline on 1-800-799-7233
Available 24 hours, free, confidential, interpretation in more than 200 languages, TTY 1-800-787-3224. Text START to 88788 if speaking is not safe.
- 3
Ask about a protective order
Every state provides civil protective or restraining orders. Court clerks, legal aid offices and advocates help with the paperwork, and filing is usually free.
- 4
Take the evidence with you if it is safe
Photographs, messages, medical notes and a dated written account all help. Keep copies somewhere the other person cannot reach, such as a trusted friend's home or an account they do not know about.
Africa and elsewhere
- 1
Use the national gender-based violence line where one exists
Several countries operate free, 24-hour lines, listed on the country pages of this site. Where none exists, a police gender desk, a hospital, or a recognised women's organisation is the safest first door.
- 2
Report to a police gender or family desk where available
Many services in the region are staffed specifically for domestic and sexual violence cases and can take a statement and refer you for a medical examination.
- 3
Get a medical report early
In many jurisdictions a completed medical form from a clinic or hospital is what allows a case to proceed. Ask for a copy and keep it safe.
- 4
Bring a witness or an advocate
Attending with a trusted person, a paralegal or a community organisation makes a case far harder to lose in the queue.
Do this first
Report safely
- Use a device the other person cannot see. Public library computers and a friend's phone are safer than a shared handset.
- Clear your browsing history afterwards, or use a private window from the start. This site has a Quick Exit button in the header for the same reason.
- Agree a code word with one person outside the house that means, come now, or call the police.
- Keep a bag with identity documents, medication, a spare key, a charger and some cash where you can reach it quickly.
- Tell a workplace, school or place of worship only what you need to, and be specific about what you want them to do.