In danger now? Call 911. Confidential 24 hour support: 1-800-799-7233
A form of abuse
Military and veteran domestic violence is intimate partner abuse that occurs within military service member or veteran families. It is shaped by the unique stresses of military life: deployments, frequent moves, separation from family, combat exposure, firearms access, and a culture that values self-reliance and chain of command. Both service members and their partners can be victims.
Why this matters
Military life is not the cause of domestic violence, but it adds pressures that can make abuse harder to address and more dangerous when it happens. Deployments, training, and separations can strain relationships. Combat trauma can increase irritability, emotional numbing, and substance use. Firearms are common in military households, which raises the risk of homicide when domestic violence is present.
Reporting is complicated. A service member may fear that reporting abuse will end their career, especially if the abuser is a civilian partner. A civilian partner may fear losing housing, military benefits, healthcare, or immigration status. Command structure can make it unclear where to turn.
Help exists both inside and outside the military. The Family Advocacy Program, victim advocates, chaplains, and civilian domestic violence services can all play a role. Safety comes first, and there are ways to get help without making everything worse.
The definition
The same forms of abuse seen in civilian relationships: physical, sexual, emotional, financial, and coercive control. It can occur during deployment, after return, or during transitions.
Centers for Disease Control and PreventionSeparation, communication disruption, infidelity fears, and reintegration after deployment can increase conflict. Pre-existing abuse often escalates during these transitions.
Military OneSourceCombat-related PTSD, traumatic brain injury, depression, and substance use can increase emotional volatility. They do not excuse abuse, but they can be part of the safety picture.
U.S. Department of Veterans AffairsAccess to firearms raises the risk of intimate partner homicide. Safe storage, removal of firearms during crisis, and legal protective orders can reduce that risk.
Centers for Disease Control and PreventionHow it works
A civilian partner may threaten to report false allegations, damage the service member's career, or use military discipline as leverage. A service member may threaten loss of benefits or housing.
Family Advocacy ProgramControl over military pay, housing allowances, healthcare, and dependent status. A civilian partner may feel trapped because their whole life depends on the service member's service.
Military OneSourceMoving away from family, friends, and civilian support networks every few years. The military community can be a support, but it can also feel like everyone knows the abuser or works for the same command.
Family Advocacy ProgramThe abuser may blame combat trauma, PTSD, or stress for their violence. This shifts responsibility and can discourage the victim from reporting.
U.S. Department of Veterans AffairsHow to identify it
One of these on its own may mean nothing. Several of them together, repeated over time, is a pattern, and a pattern is what abuse looks like from the inside.
Who it happens to
Abuse does not respect age, gender, income, faith, or country. These are the people most often affected by this particular form.
Active-duty service members, reservists, and National Guard members, both male and female.
Civilian spouses and partners, who may depend on military housing, benefits, and healthcare.
Children in military families, who witness or experience abuse and face additional disruption from moves and deployments.
Veterans and their families, who may continue to live with trauma, stress, and relationship patterns shaped by military service.
What it costs
Domestic violence in military homes can involve firearms, military training, and serious injury. Risk of homicide is a real concern.
Centers for Disease Control and PreventionVictims may avoid reporting to protect the service member's career or their own dependent benefits. Abusers may use career threats as control.
Family Advocacy ProgramDepression, anxiety, PTSD, substance use, and suicidal thoughts affect both victims and perpetrators. Military trauma and relationship trauma can compound each other.
U.S. Department of Veterans AffairsChildren in military families already face moves and parental absence. Adding domestic violence increases behavioural, emotional, and academic risks.
CDC, Adverse Childhood ExperiencesHow to deal with it
If you are in immediate danger, call 911. On a military installation, you can also call military police or the installation emergency line.
Contact the Family Advocacy Program (FAP) on your installation. FAP offers confidential support, safety planning, and counselling for victims and families.
Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential support and safety planning.
If you are a civilian spouse, know that you may be eligible for transitional compensation, legal assistance, and continued benefits. A military legal assistance attorney can advise you.
If you are a veteran, VA services include mental health care, counselling, and support for intimate partner violence and military sexual trauma.
Consider safe storage of firearms or removal of weapons during crisis. This is a key safety step in households with firearms.
Do not assume the service member is the abuser. Both service members and civilian partners can be victims, and either may be hesitant to report.
Encourage contact with the Family Advocacy Program, a victim advocate, or a chaplain. These resources understand military systems and confidentiality rules.
Help the person think about safety, housing, finances, and benefits. Military life can make leaving logistically complicated.
If children are involved, report safety concerns to FAP or child protective services. In Texas, call 1-800-252-5400.
For veterans, help them connect with VA mental health services and community resources. Trauma and relationship violence can overlap.
Where to get help
If you are in immediate danger, call your local emergency number first. Everything below is confidential and none of it requires you to make a decision today.
militaryonesource.mil/family-advocacy-program
Military program providing support, education, counselling, and safety planning for families affected by domestic violence and child abuse.
1-800-342-9647 · militaryonesource.mil
24-hour support and resources for military members and families, including confidential non-medical counselling.
1-800-273-8255 press 1 · va.gov
Mental health services, counselling for military sexual trauma, and support for veterans and their families.
1-800-799-7233 · text START to 88788
Confidential domestic violence support with safety planning and local referrals, including for military families.
Questions
Not necessarily. The Family Advocacy Program offers support and counselling, and many cases are handled through treatment and safety planning. Reporting violence does not automatically end a career, though serious incidents may have legal or administrative consequences.
Civilian partners can also be abusive. Service members can seek help from FAP, victim advocates, military legal assistance, and civilian domestic violence services. The same safety principles apply.
In some cases, yes. Transitional compensation, continued medical care, and legal assistance may be available. A military legal assistance attorney or victim advocate can explain the options.
Veterans and their families can experience domestic violence related to combat trauma, PTSD, reintegration stress, and firearms access. However, most veterans are not violent, and trauma is not an excuse for abuse. Support and treatment are available.
Serving your country does not mean accepting abuse at home. Military and veteran families have access to specialised resources, and asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
501(c)(3) tax exempt. Your gift is tax deductible.
