In immediate danger? Call 911 now.
Get help
You do not have to have decided anything
Most people who contact us have not made a single decision. They simply want to describe what is happening to someone who will not tell them they are overreacting. That is a good enough reason to call.
Before you read on
If someone may be monitoring your device, consider using a phone or computer they cannot access, such as one at a library or a friend's house. The Quick Exit button at the top of this site leaves immediately for a weather page, and pressing the Escape key twice does the same. Clearing your browser history afterwards is also worth doing, though be aware that an empty history can itself look unusual.
Helplines
Free, confidential, around the clock
These are national and Texas services, run by other organisations, staffed by trained advocates. We list them because they are the fastest route to help and because they are open when we are not.
Emergency services
If you are in immediate danger, or someone is being hurt right now, call the police.
911Available 24 hours a day across the United States.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Free, confidential, 24 hours a day, in more than 200 languages. Advocates can help with safety planning and local referrals.
1-800-799-7233Text START to 88788. TTY 1-800-787-3224. Online chat at thehotline.org.
Visit their websiteTexas Advocacy Project Family Violence Legal Line
Free legal advice for Texans experiencing family violence, including protective orders, custody and housing.
1-800-374-4673Statewide, at no cost, for anyone in Texas.
Visit their websiteTexas Abuse Hotline
To report suspected abuse or neglect of a child, an adult with disabilities, or a person aged 65 and older, anywhere in Texas.
1-800-252-5400Run by the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services, 24 hours a day.
Visit their website988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
If the weight of what is happening has become too much, you can call or text at any hour and speak to a trained counsellor.
988Call or text 988, anywhere in the United States.
Am I imagining it?
Signs worth taking seriously
You do not need all of these, and you do not need an injury. Abuse that leaves no mark is still abuse, and coercive control is among the strongest predictors of later physical harm.
- You change your behaviour to avoid a reaction, and you have been doing it so long it feels normal.
- They check your phone, your car mileage, your bank statements, or your location.
- Friends and family have quietly fallen away, and it was not really your decision.
- Money is controlled, hidden, or used as a punishment.
- You are blamed for their anger, and afterwards you find yourself apologising.
- Threats are made about children, immigration status, pets, or exposure to your community.
- You have been hurt physically, even once, and it was explained away.
- You feel afraid in your own home, and you cannot say exactly why.
Safety planning
Six steps that help whether you stay or go
A safety plan is not a commitment to leave. It means that if the day comes when you have twenty minutes, you will not be starting from nothing.
Make the device safe first
If there is any chance your phone or laptop is being monitored, use a different device before you research anything. A library computer, a friend's phone, or a work machine. Check for location sharing, shared cloud accounts and tracking apps sold as parental controls.
Copy your documents
Identification, birth certificates, immigration papers, insurance, prescriptions and bank details. Photograph every page and store the copies somewhere the other person cannot reach.
Move a little money
Any amount you can put aside without it being noticed. Even a small sum changes what is possible on a bad night. Cash held by someone you trust works if accounts are watched.
Agree a signal with one person
A specific phrase, an emoji, two missed calls in a row. Decide in advance what they should do when it arrives, including whether they should call the police.
Know the room and the route
Which room has a door to outside and nothing that could be used as a weapon. Where the keys are. Which way you would go. Rehearse it in your head.
Talk to us when you are ready
You do not need to have decided anything, and you do not need to name anyone. We will help you build a plan for staying or for leaving, whichever you choose.
Worried about someone else?
What you say next matters more than you think
Most survivors disclose once, to a friend. The response they get often decides whether they ever try again. You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline yourself for advice on supporting someone. Most people do not realise that.
How to respond well- Say the words: I believe you.
- Do not investigate, and do not ask for proof.
- Do not attack the person who hurt them.
- Never issue an ultimatum about leaving.
- Ask what they need rather than telling them.
- Follow up three weeks later, not just in the crisis.
Important disclaimer
Nopa Foundation provides peer support, advocacy, safety planning and referral for people affected by domestic abuse. Our services are not licensed psychological counseling, medical therapy, or professional legal, financial, or medical advice, and we do not provide emergency response. If you are in immediate danger, call 911. For confidential 24 hour support in the United States, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline on 1-800-799-7233 or text START to 88788. If you require clinical or mental health support, please seek assistance from a licensed professional.